X-Men ‘97 Episode 1: To Me My X-Men

Were going to take a little break from covering Power Rangers Jungle Fury to cover Disney’s brand new revival/continuation of the classic 90’s X-Men cartoon, a series that holds a very special place in the heart of yours truly as it was my introduction to X-Men and Marvel Comics. I have been hype for this series since it was first announced, and the more I heard about it, that hype only increased, especially once it started pissing off the anti-woke crowd. Let me tell you something bub, if a piece of X-Men media isn’t pissing off closed-minded dumbasses, then it’s not doing its job. Before we really get into it, since this is a continuation of a show from nearly thirty years ago, let me bring a few of you newbies up to speed. I’m going to guess and say most of you know the basic idea of the X-Men, mutants born with special powers and discriminated against for being different, Professor X starting a school to help train mutants to use their powers for the benefit of mankind, his former best friend Magneto wanting to start a war against mankind, the whole thing is a metaphor for prejudice, all that great stuff. As for where we’re picking up, in the very last episode, a former government agent and current mutant hating jackass named Henry Gyrich shot Professor X and nearly killed him, the professor’s only chance of survival is to go into space with his alien girlfriend Lilandra, leaving the X-Men to fend for themselves on earth, although as far as the general public is concerned, the Professor is dead. Oh, and just a warning up front, this article will contain spoilers. Alright, let’s get into it.

We open with a news report that says it’s been a few months since the Professor’s assassination, and the event seems to have generated increased sympathy towards mutant kind. While all this is going on, a kid named Roberto Decosta, who fans of the comics will recognize as the mutant Sunspot, is abducted by the Friends of Humanity, a militant anti-mutant hate group that frequently appeared in the old show. Roberto thinks this is about money, his family is apparently loaded, but nope, the Fucks of Humanity just want to kill this kid because he was born a mutant, and it looks like they’re going to be using some pretty advanced weaponry to do the deed. However, before Fuckers of Ihumanity can waste this poor innocent teenager the temperature drops drastically and thunder is heard in the distance. If you love X-Men as much as I do, you know what’s coming. That’s right. Our girl Storm is in the house, now sporting her classic mohawk and voiced by her original actress, Alison Sealy-Smith. The leader of the thugs says he’s not afraid, to which Storm responds “Then You Are a Fool” before blasting him with lightning. Accompanying Storm is Bishop, a mutant from the future who can absorb kinetic energy and blast it back at his enemies. Bishop seems to notice that the bad guys are using tech way above their usual pay grade as a stray blast takes out both X-Men. Fortunately, Cyclops is here, now voiced by Ray Chase and doing an excellent job filling the shoes of the late Norm Spencer. With some creative application of his optic blasts, Cyclops manages to take out the thugs with relative ease. When the leader activates a Sentinel arm blaster Cyclops is briefly taken down, but the bad guys make the mistake of removing his visor, allowing Scott to unleash the full power of his optic blast.

The next morning, we see something truly wonderful. My favorite X-Man, Gambit, wearing a pink crop top. I have never seen anything project more bisexual energy without explicitly being bisexual in my entire life than Gambit in a pink crop top. It’s a vibe that says, “I am who I am, and I will not apologize for it.” Anywho, Gambit here is voiced by AJ Locasio, replacing Chris Potter from the old series. Cyclops is chewing out Gambit for staying home and making beignets while Storm and Bishop were out fighting bad guys equipped with Sentinel tech, but Rogue, in her lovably southern way, thinks Cyclops is overreacting, especially since they’ve taken down more Sentinels than they can count, Rogue being once again voiced by her original actress, Lenore Zann. Then, Professor X just casually walks into the room to call Scott a killjoy, which is weird because depending on who you ask, The Professor is either dead or in space, and either way, he normally doesn’t walk. Don’t worry this is just the team shapeshifter, Morph, being an asshole. Seriously dude, too soon! Also, morph also has a new look, baring more of a resemblance to how they looked in the Exiles comics as opposed to how they looked in the old series. They also identify as Non-Binary now, which is cool. I mean, they are a shapeshifter, it’s not exactly a stretch, no matter what the internet says. Gambit, looking to outdo Morph in the “Who’s the Asshole” contest, lobs an exploding beignet at Scott, but it’s deflected by Jean Grey, now voiced by veteran voice actress Jennifer Hale. Also, Jean is pregnant now. Neat!

Down in the basement, Roberto wakes up after last night’s ordeal and is introduced to Beast, voiced by George Buza, reprising his role from the old series, and Jubilee, now voiced by Holly Chou. Naturally, waking up with a big blue furry ape man starring you right in the face is quite a shock to one’s system and Roberto is ready to get the hell out of there. Cyclops arrives and says they can’t let him leave just yet since he might have information they need to track down the Sentinel tech, that and he’s probably not safe out there with the Fucks of Humanity still on the streets. Roberto agrees to hang out at the mansion for the time being and Jubilee has an idea to help pass the time.

Jubilee’s idea was THROWING THE KID IN THE DANGER ROOM, WHAT THE FUCK!? The Danger Room is a training simulator, not an Xbox. Take the kid to shoot some hoops or something, don’t lock him in a room full of killer robots. Worse yet, Jubilee put him up against a simulation of Magneto. She essentially started this kid on the boss level! Are you crazy Jubilee? Oh and it gets worse. Once he gets his ass whooped by a fake Magneto, Roberto insults Jubilee, prompting the very real Wolverine to jump him from behind and pin him to the ground. See, this is why this school hasn’t had any new students since 1993, because this short hairy psycho Canadian keeps scaring them off. Anywho, Wolverine is voiced by Cal Dodd, who, in my mind, did for Wolverine what Kevin Conroy did for Batman. I probably wouldn’t even have watched this show if they didn’t get him back so I’m very glad he’s here.

Later, Jean and Scott are talking with Dr. Cooper, their liaison to the United Nations, who says that all the sentinels have been destroyed, but their creator, Bolivar Trask has been missing since the X-Men blew up his old Mastermold Factory. After he meeting, Jean and Scott have a moment where they reminisce about their younger days and how Scott has been under a lot of stress lately. Jean also suggests that with the baby coming, maybe it’s time they considered leaving the team.

Meanwhile, Jubilee is pissed at Wolverine for scaring off Roberto. I mean, you’re not wrong, but Logan’s not the one who locked the kid the danger room honey. Anywho, Cyclops orders the team to head out and find the kid before the bad guys do. Wolverine gives Cyclops a hard time, because he’s Wolverine, but Jean convinces him to go.

The X-Men track Roberto to a dance club and split up to find him. We get brief scene of Rogue seeing all the people touching each other, and lamenting that she cannot do the same, a scene that nails her character to a T. But, Oh No, they Ruined Rogue because she no longer has a huge ass. Look, if Rogue’s ass was the sacrifice we had to offer up to the gods in order for this show to happen, I can live with that, and if you can’t, watch something else. Anywho, Jubilee finds Roberto and he agrees to come with her after one dance, and it’s clear the two are developing some chemistry for one another.

Meanwhile, the rest of the team interrogates Henry Gyrich in prison, figuring that since he bankrolled Trask’s Sentinel program, he might know where to find him. Gyrich is an asshole as to be expected and gives some line about how tolerating mutants is inviting humanity’s extinction, but Cyclops isn’t into it. That’s when Jean enters Gyrich’s mind and proves him for information. After a nightmarish sequence of Jean looking inside Gyrich’s head, we learn that Trask is somewhere in the Sahara Desert.

Our heroes fly towards Trask in the Blackbird, only to get attacked by a Sentinel, our heroes all creatively using their powers to land safely. Our heroes find Trask, having built himself a new Master Mold. Not good. Our heroes are them suddenly surrounded by Sentinels. Also not good. What follows is a truly amazing scene of all The X-Men kicking Sentinel ass as the classic theme song plays. Just when it looks as though our heroes are outnumbered, we get the most badass moment in the entire show. Storm walks up, lightning striking all around her, turning the desert into glass as it does. Storm then summons a massive tornado and blows the sentinels away. That just leaves the Master Mold itself, which is taken down by a double team attack by Wolverine and Gambit.

Later, Jubilee and Roberto have a moment where Jubilee reflects on when she first met the X-Men and how scary this must be for him right now. Roberto says he’s not quite ready to join the X-Men, but leaves Jubilee his number, just in case.

And so, with the day won, The X-Men get together to shoot some hoops. However, before Scott and Jean have a chance to announce they’ll be leaving the team to raise their child, an intruder alert goes off. And so our episode ends with the X-Men finding Magneto in the Professor’s old office, declaring that Xavier left the school to him in his will.

This first episode was great. It brought me right back to being a child once again watching the old show. The animation is beautiful, the characters are all how I remember them, and the metaphors are all on point. Judging from episode one, this series is a triumph, but let’s see how everything plays out in episode 2.