Wes's Guide to Gargoyles: Turf

Welcome back to Gargoyles my friends.

We open with the revelation that this is going to be a Dracon episode as we see Dracon’s goons running a chop shop and I poor just a tiny bit of whiskey into my morning tea. Seriously, I thought we were done with captain skunk hair after Goliath scared the ever loving shit out of him back in Protection. Anywho, enough of Dracon’s house of auto parts, as we see Brooklyn, Broadway and Lexington giving Angela a tour of Manhattan while the four of them are out on patrol. And now begins the part of this episode that’s even worse than Dracon. See, the trio haven’t seen a female Gargoyle whose name wasn’t Demona in over one thousand years, and now that Angela’s here, the boys are engaged in a cringe-worthy dick measuring contest to see who gets to put the moves on Goliath’s daughter. It keeps going through the whole episode and it never gets any less annoying. Worse yet, they keep insisting on calling her Angie, a nickname Angela hates, but is too polite to say anything about. Anywho, we get a much-needed reprieve from the three idiots clumsily trying to court Angela when Angela spots what looks like a Cyberbiotics hovercraft, one she seems to recognize.

Indeed, the hovercraft belongs to Tomas Brod from back in Golem. Hey Brod, you’re late, the Clancy Brown party was last episode. Anywho, it seems that Max and The Golem have finally kicked Brod out of Prague, and so he’s moved his operation to New York and is looking to muscle in on Dracon’s territory. As such, he’s hitting the chop shop with his crew, a crew that includes Old Jack from back in Revelations and a blond woman named Sally. In the scuffle, Sally is knocked unconscious but Brod doesn’t really seem to care. The two gangs try to blow eachother away until the cops arrive and both sides make tracks. The Gargoyles try to split up and follow the retreating gangsters, but they’re too busy arguing over who gets to go with Angela to focus and ending up flying into a brick wall. Our heroes return to the Clocktower where the trio continues to argue, Angela continues to roll her eyes and I continue to bang my head against the wall.

Elsewhere, Glasses is visiting Dracon in prison. Seems Skunky McSlimeball is still running his operation from the big house and is getting increasingly frustrated with Brod moving in on his Turf. With all due respect (meaning none), what were you expecting Tony? You prance around like sleazeball wannabe gangster badass that you are and then a REAL gangster badass shows up, no shit you don’t know how to handle it! Anywho, Dracon says that if Brod wants a war, he’ll give him one. Meanwhile, the cops are confronting Brod’s gang at a restaurant. They ask about the raid on the chop-shop. Brod plays dumb, but the cops still take them in for questioning. As Bluestone takes Brod to the interrogation room while Sally sneaks away.

The Gargoyles wake up in the Clocktower only to find that that Sally has wandered up to the clocktower. Don’t worry, there’s no real cause for alarm. As anyone with half a braincell was able to figure out from the second she opened her mouth, “Sally” is actually Elisa in disguise, having gone undercover and infiltrated Brod’s gang. The name “Sally” likely being a tribute to Elisa’s voice actress, Salli Richardson. Elisa asks the Gargoyles to follow along tonight since she won’t exactly be able to check in with the precinct and she’ll feel safer with the Gargoyles watching her back. The Gargoyles agree, but before Elisa heads out, Angela asks her how to deal with Larry Moe and Curly constantly trying to get with her. Elisa advises her to just let them know how she expects to be treated.

As Elisa leaves with Brod, The Gargoyles follow along, still arguing and still making this episode feel like a chore to sit through. Seems that Dracon’s thugs have blown up Brod’s favorite restaurant. Now Brod is angry and plans to hit a train bringing in one of Dracon’s Weapon’s shipments tonight. Brod hits the train, but Dracon’s men have set up an ambush. The gangsters fight on top of the train and the Gargoyles try to intervene and nearly end up run over due to their inability to focus on anything other than Angela. Brod has Glasses dead to rights, but Glasses says that killing him means nothing. The Dracons have been running New York for generations. Brod decides that if he really wants to take over, he needs to cut off the head of the skunk. Yes, I know he said Snake in the actual episode, and I do not care. Elsewhere, the trio continues to bicker until Angela finally snaps. She berates the boys for fighting over her like she’s some kind of prize to be won and reminds them that Elisa needs their help. She also demands that the others stop calling her Angie.

Back with Brod, he’s planning an assault on the prison where Dracon is being held and is looking to take him out once and for all. So… Brod wants to kill Dracon, and the episode treats this like a bad thing? I’m kind of rooting for Brod here, Dracon sucks. Brod breaks in, but the Gargoyles are in hot pursuit and manage to take out a few of Brod’s goons on the way. Brod reaches Dracon’s cell and is about to waste him. Dracon recognizes Elisa right away and blows her cover, all while being as slimy and as misogynistic as humanly possible. Remind me why we can’t kill him again? Whatever, the Gargoyles take out both Brod and Dracon, Elisa places Brod under arrest, Angela forgives the trio for being jerks, and our episode ends with Dracon and Brod beating the hell out of each other in prison.

This was a rough one people. It’s bad enough that we had to deal with Dracon again, but Brooklyn, Lexington and Broadway acting like horny jackasses was completely insufferable. I’ve seen episodes that have been worse, but this one just got on my nerves in a big way. In my mind, this is one better left skipped in future rewatches. Next time, Thailog and Demona are back and they're not alone.