Lucha Underground Season 3 Episode 23: Family First

Ladies and Gentlemen, this article is late as it is so let us waste no more time and dive right into the Lucha Fun as the Cueto Cup tournament continues.

We open with the bird of war, Fenix, arriving at the arena and getting greeted by Melissa Santos. Apparently there seems to be a budding romance between the two. As an aside, I can’t help but notice that Melissa’s in-universe love interest, Fenix and her real-life boyfriend, Cage, just so happen to be in the same bracket, meaning that there’s a very real possibility that the two will meet in this tournament. I for one am curious to see if and how that will play out. However, Fenix apparently has much more immediate things to worry about than Cage, namely, the creepy bastard, Marty The Moth, who is watching the beautiful Melissa with hungry eyes. After the depraved insect puts his head through a window and laughing about it… because reasons… we go to the ring to start our first sight.

Match #1: Cage vs. Vinnie Massaro: Cueto Cup 1st Round Match

Oh that’s right, this episode marks the much anticipated in ring return of the Sicilian Striker and good friend of Wes’s Blogs and Reviews, Mr. Vinnie Massaro. So, since I’m well aware that our friend Vinnie is amongst our readers, I’d like to take this time to directly address Mr. Massaro. Vinnie, you’re a great guy, you’ve always been friendly with me and all of your fans, and I’m well aware that I said I would have your back against Cage, but uh… that was before he went Seitama on a man’s head.

Any who, looking at the two competitors, they seem to be polar opposites. Cage looks to be a man who spends seventy five percent of his life lifting and the other twenty five percent thinking about lifting. Vinnie on the other hand looks to be a slovenly man whose “lifting” primarily consists of lifting pizza from the box to his mouth. However, what Vinnie lacks in physique, he more than makes up for in cahones as despite Cage slowly becoming a very literal deus ex machina, Vinnie takes the fight to the machine with some stiff looking elbow strikes. At one point, it looked like Vinnie had gained the upper hand, but his folly was going for the Gauntlet instead of going for the pin, allowing Cage to recover and pick up the win before beating Vinnie to a bloody pulp. Oh well Vinnie, there’s always that Hey Arnold Fan-fiction we discussing.

Winner: Cage

Following the Match, we get yet another kick ass vignette hyping Johnny Mundo vs. Rey Mysterio. Again, nothing really to say about it, just calling attention to it.

Match #2: Marty “The Moth” Martinez vs. Saltador: Cueto Cup 1st Round Match

What we have here is a match between two different flavors of crazy, and a damn fun one at that. In this match, the competitors weren’t just trying to beat each other, but were also trying to break each other’s already fragile sanity with their various antics. If Mala Suerte taught us anything last week, it’s that the Rabbit Tribe are not to be underestimated as the checker-clad weirdo takes the fight to the insidious insect. However, much like his chess-themed opponent, there’s some true athletic caliber hidden beneath the layers of crazy and after a very entertaining match and a truly awesome finisher, Marty picks up the win as a clearly uncomfortable Melissa Santos looks on.

Winner: Marty “The Moth” Martinez

In the back, Mascarita Sagrada is working out when he’s approached by The Rabbit Tribe, who once again implore him to become their leader. Mascarita just thinks these guys are out of their damn minds and walks off.

Elsewhere, Marty returns to his creepy basement where we learn that his obsession with Melissa Santos goes far deeper than even we realized as he keeps pictures of her everywhere, and I do mean everywhere as he reveals that he keeps one such picture in his wrestling trunks, and Marty does not strike me as the type who wears a cup. Anywho, things get even more creepy, if that’s even possible at this point, when Marty’s twisted sister, Mariposa. enters the room. If you remember our mid-season cliff-hanger, tension had begun mounting between the sinister siblings and that continues here. Mariposa gets in her brother’s face and tells him that his obsession with Melissa has caused him to lose focus. She also said that if she wins her match against Fenix tonight, that she and her brother will face each other in the next round. The segment ends with what I hope to whatever benevolent deity may or may not exist is not sexual tension between the brother and sister as Marty appears aroused by his sister slapping him in the face. Gross.

Match #3: Pindar vs. Mascarita Sagrada: Cueto Cup 1st Round Match

Pindar, the power-house of the Snake Tribe is a formidable foe even for a normal sized Luchadore. For someone of the diminutive stature of Mascarita Sagrada even more so. To make the situation even more stacked against the little man, is the presence of Pindar’s queen, Kobra Moon, at ringside. (don’t worry, I’m saving it) All that having been said, you can never count the little guy out as he took it to the big lizard as if size weren’t a factor at all. Even when Pindar was tossing him around like a rag doll, the little dude never gave up and even managed to bring the monstrous reptile to his scaly knees on more than a few occasions. The most memorable moment of the match came when Mascarita was outside the ring about to be assaulted by the queen kobra. It was at that moment that the sinister, seductive, sexy, superior, psychotic, sultry, sumptuous, slithering, sassy, sapphire serpentine senorita suffered a savage albeit small-handed slap square in her scaly face.

Damn…

However, that slap ultimately proved to be Mascarita’s biggest mistake, as not long after, an incensed Kobra Queen ordered her faithful general to finish off Mascarita Sagrada with an amazing finisher.

Winner: Pindar

Following that we move right into our Main Event…

Main Event: Fenix vs. Mariposa: Cueto Cup 1st Round Match

In one corner, Fenix, the mighty bird of war and Lucha Underground’s first ever Triple Crown Champion. In the other, the twisted sister, the chosen warrior of the moth tribe and a woman as deadly as she is beautiful, Mariposa. This should be a sensational match, and for the most part it was. Both warriors had a chance to show their stuff and there were quite a few impressive spots and feats of strength on display.

However, I have to put an asterisk on that praise as this match continues a trope present in inter-gender matches that seriously needs to end. That being when the man deliberately holds back against a female opponent for reasons of either misguided chivalry or simply because they don’t take the woman seriously. This match is far from the worst offender here. It’s not as bad as the Sexy Star vs. Big Ryck match of season one nor did it want to make me put a nine-iron through my television set and/or shotgun a bottle of bleach like the better left forgotten Angelico vs. Ivelisse Match of the same season, but there are still elements of those matches that I have to take issue with it. Look, I get it, Fenix is a chivalrous guy who doesn’t like to hit women and in any other situation that would be commendable, but here, you are both highly trained and skilled athletes and you are opponents in a combat sport. By holding back, you are showing a great deal of disrespect to your opponent and their skill. By acting the way he does during this match, at best it makes Fenix look like an idiot and at worst, it makes him look like a complete asshole. Anyway, rant over, despite my issues with this match, it was still pretty solid. Fenix picked up the win after a nicely executed Fenix Driver.

Winner: Fenix

After the match, Fenix and Melissa shared some flirty looks, which seemed to set off Marty the Moth who came out and attacked his opponent for the second round. However, once again, Fenix gained the upper-hand against the Moth Tribe and posed to end the show.

Match of the Night: Oh boy, was this a tough one to call. I literally had to flip a coin to decide between Marty vs. Saltador and Mascarita vs. Pindar as both matches were absolutely phenomenal. Both showcased the talent of some of the lesser seen warriors of the temple against some wily veterans and I loved it. I ultimately landed on Marty vs. Salty. I just loved the mutual insanity of the bout and had a ton of fun watching it.

Spot of the Night: Another one that could’ve gone either way and wouldn’t you know it, both of the candidates were the finishes of the two match of the night candidates. I’m in a generous mood so since I gave the Match of the Night to Marty vs. Saltador, I’ll give this one to Pindar’s finisher which was just incredible. Have no idea what you’d even call it, I just know it was freaking amazing.

Segment of the Night: Gotta give it to Marty’s creepy stalker dungeon guest starring Mariposa. This entire segment made my skin crawl and I loved every moment of it. Overall, despite a couple hiccups, this was still an incredible show and I can’t wait to see more from the Cueto Cup. If you feel the same, join me next time.