Lucha Underground Season 3 Episode 11: Aztec Warfare III

Fellow believers, welcome to Lucha Underground.

AZTEC, WARFARE!

Way back in my Top Ten Lucha Underground Matches article, I explained what Aztec Warfare is, but in case you’re new to the site. Aztec Warfare is Lucha Underground’s equivalent of WWE’s Royal Rumble with a few key differences. First, instead of the wrestlers competing to earn a future title opportunity, the title is on the line in the match. And second, while the royal rumble also features multiple superstars coming in at ninety second intervals, in Aztec Warfare, it isn’t enough to simply toss your opponent over the top rope. Instead, you have to eliminate your opponent via pin fall or submission, and because the Aztec Warfare match is the brainchild of Lucha Underground proprietor, Dario Cueto, anything goes! The last Luchadore standing after nineteen others have been eliminated will be crowned Lucha Underground Champion. The last two Aztec Warfare matches have been phenomenal even by the high standards of Lucha Underground, so let us waste no more time and dive right into the action.

We open backstage as Dario is getting ready to unlock Matanza’s cage and prepare his monstrous brother for war, but Johnny Mundo is standing in his way. Johnny, being the arrogant son of a bitch that he is, Johnny confidently proclaims that he’ll be the one to eliminate Matanza and become the Lucha Underground Champion. Accompanying Johnny, is the lovely Taya, who is filming a documentary about Johnny and how awesome he is. Johnny goes on to say that in the extremely rare event that he should lose the match, he’ll be cashing in his Gift of the Gods championship for a match against the winner next week. Dario, both annoyed and amused by Johnny’s cockiness, suggests that it’s time Johnny put his money where his mouth is and declares that Johnny will be entering the match at number two, which not only means he’ll have to go through all nineteen other participants, but also means he’ll be starting the match with the Monster himself.

Match #1: AZTEC WARFARE!! As we just heard, the first two participants are The Monster, Matanza Cueto and Johnny Mundo. Upon entering the match, Johnny doesn’t look to pleased, but he nonetheless faces Matanza without an ounce of fear. For the most part, Johnny used his agility and parkour prowess to evade the much larger and more powerful Matanza, but any offense Johnny threw the monster’s way didn’t even seem to register with the champion. But, after ninety seconds, the drums of war began to beat, heralding the arrival of our next entrant. Entrant #3: Son of Havoc

A man who has been in Lucha Underground since the very beginning and has fought in all three Aztec Warfares, the beloved biker wasted no time taking the fight to Matanza and Johnny. What I liked here was that there was a surprising amount of accidental tandem offense from Johnny and Havoc. Not to say that they were working together, but almost as if they were using one another’s bodies as weapons against Matanza. But, once again, the drums of war herald the next entrant

Entrant #4: Jeremiah Crane Making his Aztec Warfare debut is the newcomer Jeremiah Crane. Say what you will about Jeremiah, he’s an incredible athlete and with a lot of guts as he runs right in and takes the fight to the monster, even managing to stagger the brute with a running kick. Then, with an assist from Mundo and Havoc, Jeremiah knocks the big man outside the ring with a beautiful looking triple super-kick. However, in Aztec Warfare, no alliance may last forever, as Jeremiah locks eyes with his girl’s ex-boyfriend, Son of Havoc. Once again, that unique tandem offense continues as Crane redirects a Johnny Mundo super-kick aimed at him right at Son of Havoc before laying Johnny out with a super-kick of his own. But Havoc answers Jeremiah back by tossing a charging Johnny right into the trajectory of a flying Jeremiah, causing a mid-air collision that probably would have echoed throughout the temple if it weren’t for the drums of war.

Entrant #5: Pentagon Dark

The Lord of Darkness and Breaker of Bones, the violent Pentagon Dark makes his way to the ring at number five and wastes no time laying out his Ultima Lucha Dos opponent, Matanza, with a devastating kick to the face. In it to win it, Pentagon proceeds to do the same to everyone else in the match. Like a human wrecking ball, the fresh Pentagon laid waste to his competitors one by one because his name is Pentagon Dark and he has, CERO MIEDO! As an incense Matanza goes after Pentagon, the drums of war begin to beat once again.

Entrant #6: “The Darewolf” PJ Black

If Johnny Mundo is going to make good on his promise, even he’s going to need backup. Fortunately, said backup has arrived in the form of his associate in the World Wide Underground, PJ Black. The high flyer quickly came to the aid of his ally as together they picked apart Havoc and Jeremiah. However, there’s one thing not even two members of the World Wide Underground can stop, and that’s the beating of the drums of war!

Entrant #7: Mariposa

The twisted sister of Marty the Moth slowly makes her way to the ring at lucky number seven and starts picking the bones of Son of Havoc with a nice Samoan drop. Jeremiah Crane, who’s had issues with the Moth siblings since he arrived in Lucha Underground shows he isn’t afraid to hit a girl as he hits a painful looking package pile driver on Mariposa. However, Jeremiah should have looked behind him, as he would have seen that Matanza had re-entered the ring. But alas, the monster gets the drop on the newcomer, and Jeremiah gets annihilated with a German suplex. Jeremiah Crane Eliminated

After taking out Jeremiah, something interesting happens. Matanza and Mariposa look into one another’s eyes and strangely, Mariposa doesn’t seem to see a monster. In fact, one might almost think that this beauty developed something of an infatuation with the beast. Matanza seems confused at first and for a brief moment seems captivated by Mariposa, but whatever transpired between them lasts but a second as the monster lays Mariposa out with a chokeslam. Mariposa Eliminated

The interaction between Matanza and Mariposa was strange and intriguing to say the least, but we are given no time to stew on it, as once again, we hear the drums of war.

Entrant #8: Rey Mysterio

If you know your Lucha Underground history, then you’ll know the significance that Aztec Warfare holds for Rey Mysterio. Not only did he make his debut in last year’s Aztec Warfare match, but he made it all the way to the final two, only to taste defeat at the hands of the newly debuted Matanza. It seems neither Rey nor Matanza have forgotten their history as they stare down one another as Rey makes his way down the temple steps. However, the king and the monster coming to blows will have to wait for later as Rey is double teamed on the floor by the World Wide Underground and Matanza once again eats a devastating kick from Pentagon Dark. With this many participants, things begin to get chaotic with bodies flying everywhere, but when Rey locks eyes with Pentagon, the world seems to stop for a brief moment. Pentagon starts turning Rey inside out with a series of deafening kicks, but the sound of those kicks are soon drowned out by, what else, the drums of war.

Entrant #9: Dr. Wagner Jr.

Accompanied by his manager, Famous B and his “nurse” the beautiful Brenda, the Lucha Legend powers into the temple at number nine. Wagner, being a veteran of lucha libre decides it may behoove him to work together with Pentagon Dark to try and bring down Rey Mysterio. The double team seems to work at first, but they don’t call Rey the king of Lucha for nothing as he more than holds his own against two larger and stronger men. However, just as Wagner’s strength begins to prove too much for the biggest little man, the drums of war beat once again. Entrant #10: Marty “The Moth” Martinez

At the half-way point of Aztec Warfare, the current frontrunner for the prestigious award of Wes’s Blogs & Reviews Lucha Underground MVP, The creepy bastard, Marty “The Moth” Martinez enters the fight, and right away, the menacing moth locks eyes with the monstrous Matanza. Unlike his sister however, Marty gets the drop on the Lucha Underground champion and actually manages to knock him out of the ring before hitting an impressive splash onto the monster. From that point on, the moth and the monster begin having a war of their own on the outside as the drums begin to beat.

Entrant #11: Jack Evans

Now with three members of the World Wide Underground in the Match, Johnny, Jack and PJ start celebrating as if they’ve already won the match. While Matanza is busy choking out Marty with a steel chair on the outside, the WWU quickly start triple-teaming Son of Havoc, allowing Jack to finish off the man from the open road with a standing corkscrew moonsault. Son of Havoc Eliminated

As Johnny condescendingly waves bye-bye to Havoc, the drums of war beat once again, heralding the next entrant.

Entrant #12: Sexy Star

Since the very beginning of Lucha Underground, Sexy has been on a mission to prove that she can be just as tough, if not tougher, than any man who stands in her way. Now, after loosing her Gift of the Gods title to Johnny a few short weeks ago, she’s gunning for the World Wide Underground. And how ironic is it that Sexy should enter at number twelve, the very number that Johnny was supposed to enter at before he mouthed off to Dario Cueto. However, the World Wide Underground still have the numbers advantage over Sexy and start overwhelming her with the triple team. Things quickly spill to the outside as body are flying everywhere and chaos dominates the temple and once again the drums of war echo off the walls.

Entrant #13: Ricky Mandel Though he hasn’t made an appearance since season one, and has yet to make a significant impact in the temple, the athletic Ricky Mandel, who has been entered in the match as a last minute replacement for an injured Ivelisse, still enters the ring with confidence. However, Ricky’s confidence soon turns to despair as he finds himself face to face with his worst nightmare, the man who broke his arm back in season one, Pentagon Dark. Pentagon crushes Ricky with a package piledriver. Pentagon attempts to break Ricky’s arm once again as Black Lotus, leading a group of three other mysterious women, enters the ring and has her allies surround Pentagon. As this group, which we can safely assume is the Black Lotus Triad that we’ve alluded to in the past, gangs up on Pentagon, one of them lays out the brutal bone-breaker with a very impressive looking sunset power bomb. With some hand gestures from Black Lotus, the Triad disappears as quickly as they came, allowing Johnny Mundo to slide in and pick the scraps.

Pentagon Dark Eliminated

No sooner does Melissa Santos announce the elimination of Pentagon Dark than PJ almost immediately does the same to Ricky Mandel.

Ricky Mandel eliminated.

But the drums of war cannot be silenced, as the match continues and the next combatant arrives

Entrant #14: Mascarita Sagrada

Fresh off his huge win in the Believers Backlash match last week, Mascarita feels like he can take on the world, but there’s a fine line between confidence and insanity as the little guy tries to take down Matanza all by himself. Mascarita may have the heart of a true warrior, but he has about as much chance of taking down a force of nature like Matanza as a Lion would against a Tyrannosaurus Rex. It’s not long before the brave little man falls to a devastating wrath of the gods.

Mascarita Sagrada Eliminated

As Famous B celebrates the elimination of the man who bowled a seven ten split on his nuts, the drums of war begin to beat once again, as Famous B’s mood appears to change.

Entrant #15: Famous B

The manager to the stars who up until this point has been supporting his client, Dr. Wagner, from ringside, retrieves a card with the number fifteen on it from the pocket of his suit and jumps into the ring. First person he sees on the field of battle, the legendary Rey Mysterio. Be it on the streets, in the locker room or even in the ring, Famous B is always looking to expand his cliental, and thinks adding Rey Mysterio to his roster would be a nice feather in his cap. To that end, Famous B hands Rey one of his business cards and encourages him to dial 423-GET-FAME. However, Rey knows a thing or two about phone numbers himself as he, in a moment that came dangerously close to earning spot of the night, grabs B by the tie, hangs him up in the ropes and nails agent to the stars with his signature move, the 619.

Famous B Eliminated

Famous B’s time in the match was short lived, and his client Dr. Wagner doesn’t appear to be fairing much better as we see that Matanza has a hold of him on the outside and is slowly picking him apart. Back in the ring however, Rey attempts to repeat what he just did to Famous B on both Johnny Mundo and PJ Black, but he’s stopped by the insidious insect known as Marty the Moth. While at fist, it looks like Marty’s strength is too much for Rey, the veteran uses Marty’s momentum against him and manages to roll him up for the one, two, three.

Marty “The Moth” Martinez Eliminated

After so many eliminations, it can only mean one thing: the drums of war once again begin to swell.

Entrant #16: The Mack

One of the biggest and baddest Lucha Underground has to offer, Mack takes a moment before entering the ring to deliver a stunner to his old nemesis, Marty the Moth. Mack then turns his attention to the World Wide Underground, meaning that the numbers game is starting to turn in Sexy’s favor. Like a big muscular bowling ball, Mack dives out of the ring and knocks over Johnny, Jack and PJ as if they were a bunch of pins. But that rumbling isn’t the sound of a bowling ball rolling down the lane, no, it is, of course, the drums of war.

Entrant #17: Joey Ryan

Hairy, oily, and just generally gross, the crooked undercover cop known as Joey Ryan oozes into the temple. However, Joey wants nothing to do with whatever chaos is going on in the ring right now and, employing the same strategy as he did in the last Aztec Warfare, handcuffs himself to the guard rail, thinking he can wait out the match on the temple steps. Sexy and Mack start picking apart the World Wide Underground with the help of some steel chairs as Joey watches on looking more than a little satisfied with himself. Joey, you think you’ve escaped your fate, but you’ve only delayed the inevitable, as no man can ever escape the drums of war.

Entrant #18: Mil Muertes

Mil Muertes, the only former Lucha Underground Champion in the match. Before Matanza came along, Mil was considered to be the most unstoppable force in all of Lucha Underground. Last week he buried Prince Puma. This Week, Mil Muertes looks to do the same to anyone who stands between him and reclaiming his title. Upon seeing that he now sits between the man of a thousand deaths and the ring, Joey begins to panic. Try as he might, Joey can’t escape death and with sheer brute strength, Mil rips the cuffs from the rail and drags the squirming sleaze-ball into the ring just as Matanza does the same to Dr. Wagner. After simultaneously hitting their finishers on their respective opponents, the two monsters lock eyes.

Dr. Wanger Eliminated Joey Ryan Eliminated

Last season, Matanza and Mil Muertes had a rivalry that nearly raised the very temple to the ground. Right now, these two old enemies seem to be looking to finish the job as the drums of war seem to beat just for them.

Entrant #19: Kobra Moon

No sooner do Mil and Matanza renew their rivalry than in glides Lucha Underground’s psychotic slithering sexy seductive sapphire serpentine senorita, Kobra Moon. Curiously though, Kobra doesn’t join the fray, but instead hops up on the announce table and makes flirty eyes with a clearly uncomfortable Matt Striker. Back in the ring, Mack hits a stunner to get Jack off his back and lays him down for the pin. Jack Evans Eliminated

And then, thanks to an assist from Sexy Star, Mack turns around and does the exact same thing to PJ Black. PJ Black Eliminated

And as two members of the World Wide Underground are eliminated, the drums of war sound for the final time

Entrant #20: Drago

Drago, who defeated his trios partners, Fenix and Aerostar to qualify for this match, isn’t about to waste this opportunity. Upon seeing Drago enter the temple, Kobra Moon comes alive and goes on the attack. Vinnie, quick, now’s your chance, you can finally use the bathroom in peace! Dragging his enemy into the ring, Drago makes quick work of Kobra Moon with the Dragon’s lair. Kobra Moon Eliminated However, no sooner does Drago dispatch his ancient foe than The Monster Matanza attacks him from behind and with a devastating move, annihilates the mighty dragon Drago Eliminated At this point, the Luchadores realize that if any of them are going to have any chance of winning this, they’re going to need to do something about the Monster. Rey, Johnny, Mil, Sexy and Mack all briefly put aside their differences to take the fight to the monster. Rey even manages to hit two consecutive 619’s on the overwhelming force. However, just when it looked like the monster was going to finish Rey off, Rey, summoning up every ounce of his strength and every ounce of his heart manages to execute a beautiful sunset flip on the monster as the official counts one, two, three, and for the first time since making his debut in last season’s Aztec Warfare, the seemingly indestructible monster tastes defeat! MATANZA ELIMINATED!!!

As you can imagine, something that looks like the steroid-abusing love child of Bane and Leather-Face isn’t exactly the sort to be graceful in defeat. As such, Matanza goes on a warpath against the man who stole victory from him. So brutal and so vicious was Matanza’s attack on Rey Mysterio, that the other Luchadores could only look on in horror. The exception of course being Johnny Mundo who takes some time to rub this defeat in Dario’s face, complete with flipping him the bird. In fact, Matanza’s wrath is so intense, he even attacks Dario, the key that Dario normally uses to control his brother seeming to have no effect. As the Cueto brothers exit the arena, Johnny Mundo, like a vulture, pins the destroyed Rey Mysterio.

Rey Mysterio Eliminated

As Rey is taken away on a stretcher, Johnny goes at it with Sexy Star, as the previously eliminated World Wide Underground emerges from the back and once again goes for the triple team. Just when it looks like Johnny has things all sewn up, Angelico emerges from the cheap seats and, looking for revenge after what Johnny and his lackeys did to him the night of Ultima Lucha Dos, dives off Dario Cueto’s office and onto the World Wide Underground, allowing Sexy to cover Johnny.

Johnny Mundo Eliminated

As Sexy is tossed out of the ring by Mil Muertes, the man of a thousand deaths turns his attention to The Mack, and, with a devastating flatliner, brings the number of fighters in the ring to just two.

The Mack Eliminated

And so, it all comes down to this. Mil Muertes, the Man of a Thousand Deaths. A powerhouse whose powers are derived from the darkness of the underworld. Sexy Star, a woman with the heart of a true warrior, who has overcome great adversity both in and out of Lucha Underground and has become an inspiration to young women the world over. One of them will walk out of the temple as the new Lucha Underground Champion. Mil, looking to make a statement Drags a table out from under the ring and looks to use it to end Sexy forever. However, Sexy still has plenty of fight left in her and, using Mil’s momentum against him, forces him through the table instead. Mil, not about to give up, goes for another table and this time attempts to slam sexy through it from the top rope, but once again Sexy counter and Mil lies prone the ground. Finally, with one devastating double stomp, Mil Muertes is defeated and history is made as we crown the first female Lucha Underground Champion! WINNER AND NEW LUCHA UNDERGROUND CHAMPION: SEXY STAR!!!!!

As Lucha Underground goes off the air, Sexy, overcome with emotion, raises the title high.

Match of the Night: Well, obviously when there’s only one match, it wins by default, right? Well, yes, obviously match of the night goes to Aztec Warfare, but how do we divvy up the points. I can’t very well give one to all twenty participants. You know what, who the hell says I can’t? Aztec Warfare only comes once a season, so let’s Oprah this shit! You get a point, and you get a point, and you get a point! EVERYBODY’S GETTING A POINT!!!! Seriously though, I don’t know how Lucha Underground does it, but every Aztec Warfare, they seem to outdo themselves, and this year was no exception. What added some extra fun was our friend John over at TwitWow dropping epic fail bombs during his live reactions. If you’re reading this fellas, keep up the good work.

Spot of the Night: While Rey’s spot with Famous B made me laugh, I have to give it to the move that Matanza used to eliminate Drago. I don’t even know what you’d call it. Our friends over at TwitWow referred to it as a moonsault slam and that’s a pretty apt description. Let’s just say that there’s a reason that Jeff Cobb, the man who portrays Matanza, is known outside of Lucha Underground as Mr. Athletic.

Segment of the Night:

While this is technically another win by default, the Johnny/Dario segment was really entertaining. Johnny is unapologetically cocky in this scene and I love how Dario calls him on it. The two work off one another brilliantly as they have all season

Final Thoughts: Aztec Warfare is a match that will always hold a special place in my heart. See, back around the time season one was airing, I was really burnt out on WWE. So, after hearing my friend rant and rave about it week after week, I finally decided to give Lucha Underground a shot, and the first episode I saw happened to be the very first Aztec Warfare, and the rest is history. Aztec Warfare is a phenomenal match, but it’s so much more than that. It serves as a turning point in the season and serves to set up storylines for the future. Though we’re left satisfied, we still have so many questions. Will anything come of that strange moment between Mariposa and Matanza? What’s next for Pentagon and the Black Lotus Tribe? Is Matanza done with Rey Mysterio? Has the dynamic between Dario and his monstrous brother changed? Will there be retaliation against Angelico on the part of the World Wide Underground? How will our new champion fair against Johnny Mundo next week? Speaking of, from the bottom of my heart I would like to extend my cincerest congratulations to the first ever female Lucha Underground Champion. Love her or hate her, she has more than proven herself within the temple and whether her reign lasts until the end of the season or just until next week, I can think of few who deserve that title more. Big changes are in store for Lucha Underground as we move forward, so be sure to join me again next week, but until then, thank you for joining me for AZTEC WARFARE!!